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Simara James is a mother of two, mindfulness coach and consultant, author, podcast host and flexible work expert looking to improve the lives of women across the globe by sharing tips to creating more balance and design a live that's full of fulfillment. 

Losing Friends on Your Self-Love/Spiritual Awakening Journey

One of the most difficult things about going through a spiritual transformation or any transformation really, is the way it disturbs your personal relationships. Think about it...most of the people in your life you like for certain reasons. You may have a friend you share certain hobbies with or a friend you can always complain about life with. You might have friends you like to go drinking with or travel with or any number of things. If that friend all of a sudden drastically changed an aspect of themselves that you were comfortable with, you'd have to adjust. You'd have to redefine the friendship and evaluate whether it was serving you anymore.

When we are going through spiritual transformations and our ideas about religion, relationships, even how we are being in the world change drastically, it can send us into a dark night of the soul when people we are close to move away from us. Before I understood that this was a natural part of the awakening process, I was devastated. Nothing can really prepare you for the pain of losing relationships or having to dramatically change relationships with people you love, but I have some points below that can help get you through the process with the least possible trauma.

1. It comes with the territory.

Knowing that you should expect relationships to change drastically is half the battle. If you don't expect it, then you can give in to feelings of self-doubt and loneliness. If you do expect it, you can use the aloneness as a precious opportunity to go further within and focus on self-discovery while you wait for things to shift and for new relationships to come into your life.

2. New people come in.

Trouble won't last always! There will be periods during transformation that are lonely, but know that they are pathways to what you aspire to. The new people who come into your life will line up with your vision for who you want to be and what you want to experience at that stage of your journey. That's exciting and definitely something to look forward to and imagine in detail as you go through the aloneness you'll experience.

3. Old people come back.

After my first "shedding of relationships" I thought those connections were permanently severed, but they weren't. When I was able to approach those relationships from a more balanced place (after I had done some emotional and mental cleansing and could re-frame things in ways that better served me), those relationships drifted comfortably back into my life. Of course they looked completely different as I was completely different as a person, but the same love was there that existed before. Some endings will be permanent, but not all. It all depends on whether you can re-frame or transmute the connection in a way that aligns with your higher purpose.

4. Letting your light shine bright is the fastest way to get through it.

One temptation of mine that I have to continuously fight, is the urge to modify myself or dim my light to make relationships more comfortable so that I don't lose them. All this does is slow down my progress toward higher levels of consciousness and authenticity. The fastest way to get to you best self is to let your light shine brightly and be your authentic self. It's your gift to the world and if you cover up that light for the sake of holding on to relationship that don't line up with your higher purpose, you do everyone (yourself, the person you're trying to hold onto, and all those who might benefit from your unique perspective) a disservice.

5. Sometimes people leave your life because YOU need to adjust.

Another temptation is that if you know that relationships change during spiritual awakening is to assume that you lose people because they are "not on your level". Sometimes the universe will bring to you what you aspire to have (amazing people who share your values) and they will leave you because you still have work to do. The entire purpose of your experience with them may be to illuminate an area that you wouldn't know you needed to change otherwise. So make sure to examine the circumstances closely enough to understand the root cause for the shift in relationship and make adjustments as needed.

I hope this is helpful and if you are in your aloneness phase of your spiritual awakening journey, feel free to reach out to me personally at

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